Scattered and Sad

Do you ever have those days when it feels like your brain just isn’t functioning?

I feel like that today. I can’t find the motivation to start anything. I have my list, but here I am, staring at it blankly, not knowing where to start.

And I don’t even really feel like fixing it. I’m just feeling sad. I’m not going to go into why, and I don’t even know if I can pinpoint any one thing. Is it just me, is there something in the stars, is it the weight of the world? I don’t know. It’s not a really dark feeling, but it’s definitely not a cheery one!

So, what to do?

I’m not sure I have the answers, but here I am writing. Clearly, writing my thoughts and either keeping them private or sharing them can help. I don’t do morning pages, which is an exercise in stream of consciousness that is touted as beneficial by many. I’m sure it is, just not for me. I have a difficult time writing without a specific purpose other than just to let my thoughts flow. I’d rather just…stare at a wall and let my mind be empty.

It’s so uncomfortable when you’re feeling disconnected. I know it’s not a forever thing, that it will pass.

My personality is heavy on the dreamer side of things, so when I am feeling foggy, sad, with no motivation it’s pretty similar to depression. Someone posted something about depression the other day, and played with the word changing it into “deep rest.” (Apologies to whomever came up with this, I can’t remember where I saw it.)

I want some deep rest! I want to curl up, stay inside, drink some delicious hot coffee and watch Russian Doll on Netflix. I’d love to see a friendly face. I’d love to hear some reassuring words, or read an unexpected message.

BUT, dear sweet fellow humans, here I am. I’m not hibernating, which is what my soul truly craves. I will just start ticking things off my list. I’ll go slowly. I’ll do the ones that aren’t that fun first. Or not. We’ll see how the day goes, I’m giving it up to the universe. I can rest this evening, I have the place to myself tonight because my love is out of town working.

He likes to say (which his mother used to say), “Once begun it's half done.”

Hope you’re having a brighter day than me!